


Every time you look at me

by MattSmithIsSexy (MattexIsSexy)



Category: Doctor Who RPF, Menna
Genre: Comic Con, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-03
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2017-12-22 08:35:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/911124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MattexIsSexy/pseuds/MattSmithIsSexy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Matt” Jenna began with a curious whisper as she poked him on the arm to get his attention. He’d been staring into space and no matter how endearing it was that he was nervous and a little tired looking, they’d be starting the shoot soon. She needed to wake him up and a little teasing should help. “I bet I can out-sexy you in this shoot” she challenged, raising an eyebrow as she attempted to get a real smile out of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Aiming for Sexy.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 is set during the Entertainment Weekly photo shoot at Comic Con 2013. Please leave me a comment and let me know what you think! :).

Matt was becoming more tired and stressed after every interview at San Diego Comic Con.

Sure the buzz of being there was amazing and the dedication from the fans was overwhelming, but he could feel the whole thing beginning to take a toll on him. He was now firmly confident about his decision to leave the show. No way could he cope with being asked the same questions over and over again for the next year and beyond. What’s your favourite monster? Which is your favourite episode? Surely they’d heard him answer these things before. He was glad he’d quit while it was still fun (despite the repetitiveness).

 

He wouldn’t have a problem with coming back to the show or doing conventions in the future. He just needed to stop being the Doctor for a while, play someone else, or just be himself and relax a lot more.

 

Waiting to be called to their next interview and photoshoot, Jenna was able to see the signs of his stress. The smile he was giving her didn’t seem at all genuine, despite his best efforts.

 

Anyone who had worked with Matt knew just how to read his facial expressions and know what he was thinking. He was a fantastic actor, but so easy to read amongst his friends. Even some of his fans knew about his nervous ticks - like scratching his forehead or just not being able to sit still.

 

As it was, he was running his hand over his head - which was normally much more effective when there was more hair present. Habits were hard to kill though and Jenna smiled warmly at how sweet - or even cute - he looked.

 

“Matt” Jenna began with a curious whisper as she poked him on the arm to get his attention. He’d been staring into space and no matter how endearing it was that he was nervous and a little tired looking, they’d be starting the shoot soon. She needed to wake him up and a little teasing should help. “I bet I can out-sexy you in this shoot” she challenged, raising an eyebrow as she attempted to get a real smile out of him.

 

Matt’s eyes snapped open from his dream-like state. Jenna was looking at him in a way that reminded him of how Daisy had done in the past; naughty and daring. Probably less of the naughty, considering her boyfriend was in the same building doing interviews. Richard Lucky Bastard Madden. If she gazed at her co-star this way every time she said the word sexy he might just have to comment on it.

 

Flirting - that could lead to trouble between the three of them, although they normally got along so well. It was just so hard to avoid complimenting how funny and lovely she was all the time. In fact it was the opposite of the relationship he had with Karen - always playfully teasing her about what a loser she was. He found it hard to find a fault in Jenna, other than her taste in music of course.

 

Whenever he had a rough day she was there to cheer him up, wearing a mask of his face or tapping him on the shoulder and running away like they were kids in a playground. Now they were about to argue about who was sexier, which was more of a teenage high school debate you’d have with someone you secretly fancied.

 

“Excuse me Coleman, you’re looking at the cover of Gay Times, the male eye candy for Doctor Who. The James B-urgh ok scratch that, the James Bond Villain. But if this is a contest you’re not winning.” he protested.

 

“Right, the cool, sexy 900 year old” Jenna chuckled. She had of course done her research and seen that magazine cover, along with a few other handsome photo shoots of her co-star. He would no doubt be using his slightly smug and daring look again today. Only she planned to stand behind him and wouldn’t see it. Imagining it was enough and to her surprise, she felt a wave of arousal shudder through her. The worst thing was that he clearly had no idea how attractive he was. Even Richard would try to convince him that he was a good looking man but he’d shake his head and snort.

 

“Right level of sexy, that’s me remember” she sighed out with a shy smile. She remembered his words fondly - how he’d landed himself in a tight spot by saying she wasn’t sexy enough. Richard and her had a good laugh with him about it later on a karaoke night.

 

Matt didn’t get a chance to reply because his name had been called. It was time for the photo shoot.

 

Matt strode forward in front of the white canvas, automatically relaxing into his ‘Doctor’ face. He’d been about to slip his hands into his pockets when he felt one of Jenna’s arms move around his shoulder. Instead, he brought his hands together and played with his fingers.

 

He turned his face to the side, really needing a distraction from whatever she was doing. It was too easy to sink back into her embrace but the pictures were already been taken and Matt suddenly had a smirk on his face, “Coleman, are you making a stupid face?” He could just imagine her sticking her tongue out and making him look like a muppet.

 

“No, i’m making a sexy face like I promised” Jenna insisted, smiling as she found herself staring at his neck. It made her laugh that he couldn’t trust her while he looked the other way for two seconds. In truth, she wasn’t sure if she could even trust herself. It felt strangely homely to have her arms around him like that, yet it was such a couple-like pose. He’d wanted sexy though and now that she was giving him a seductive look, he wasn’t even paying attention. She couldn’t move away, not now. It would be awkward in front of the photographers. The best she could do was make him laugh and try and get him to at least face the camera.

 

Making an amused face, Matt turned his head slightly and pointed his finger back at Jenna’s face. Whatever she was doing, he probably just made it a lot more entertaining. His hand gently brushed over hers, which was settled just above his head. It was then that it struck him how intimate the pose was. Maybe she really was aiming for sexy.

 

Then he felt it, the warm breath against his neck. He had to be dreaming. It seemed like her lips were so close to brushing against him, her teeth sinking into his skin... His vampire girl fantasy coming true. She was so close and he was giving the camera a naughty smirk that had to win their sexy competition.

 

“Look at me” Jenna whispered after a bunch of photos had been taken. She needed to see his face and for them to joke like they had done before. He’d become a bit tense under her touch and she wondered if it was just his original nerves or because she was touching him. Plus it was getting harder to resist the urge to kiss his neck.

 

Matt turned his head and found himself brushing his nose against Jenna’s. They were so close and going by her wide eyes and heavy breathing, she hadn’t expected him to move so much all of a sudden. Every second of the shoot had gone by so quickly up until that point. Maybe because they hadn’t said anything to each other. Somehow that had seemed natural and they’d just spoken to the camera with their smiles and smirks.

 

They were both laughing awkwardly and the woman pouted her lips at him, “You missed my sexy face, Smith”

 

Matt didn’t even blink before he replied to her protest. His voice was low and surprisingly husky, “Show me”

 

There was no doubt that the room was oozing with sexual tension. The air was thick and Jenna’s heart was in her mouth as she watched Matt bite his lip, so very close to her own. A tilt of his head would be all it took before their lips would touch. It was as if they were in a world of their own and the photographer wouldn’t have been given a second thought.

 

Jenna didn’t get a chance to reply because her phone was going off. She turned to the photographer but he was distracted and it seemed they were done anyway. Answering her mobile and bringing it up to her ear, she looked down at the floor to avoid Matt’s gaze. “Richard, babe...” she greeted.

 

Matt dipped his hands into his pockets and brushed past her and out of the studio. He’d made a complete fool of himself and now she’d have a good laugh about it with her boyfriend. He just hoped she’d forget about it before their next interview.


	2. Little White Lies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was shocking how lies could become second nature to her sometimes. Not huge secrets, just little white fibs that probably wouldn’t even make him angry - only cause him to worry. There had been nights when she’d texted him not to call her because she was tired, when really she’d been wide awake and hanging out with Matt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the reviews guys. I really hope you like this chapter. It's more from Jenna's POV, although there is some stuff from Matt's too. I'll try and make the next part more Matt centric! I surprised myself because I didn't think I could into Jenna's head very well. The alternative summary of this fic is now "Jenna has a guilt complex over Dick" because i'm hilarious. Thanks to Darlingmatt, Sonic-fangirl and Despairgirlfriends for beta reading. bye.

Jenna wasn’t sure how long she’d been on the phone, half-listening to Richard excitedly tell her all about the interviews he’d already done. They were both on a busy schedule and it was sweet of him to call her and ask how her day was going - just not very professional. His voice was becoming a bit louder in her ears, like he was trying to get her attention.

 

“Jenna, are you even listening?”

 

She snapped out of her trance, her eyes fixed on the white canvas she and Matt had just been standing in front of. “Um, what?” she whispered, her attention now completely on the phone as she wondered what she’d done wrong. The actress was about to insist that she’d heard him and lie about being in a great mood and having a great time.

 

It was shocking how lies could become second nature to her sometimes. Not huge secrets, just little white fibs that probably wouldn’t even make him angry - only cause him to worry. There had been nights when she’d texted him not to call her because she was tired, when really she’d been wide awake and hanging out with Matt. On other occasions, the dutiful girlfriend had told her lover he looked good in a particular unflattering outfit or even a daft hair cut, or smelt good with a certain aftershave.. She had no reason to feel guilty about those little things, after all it was what she loved about him.

 

 _Her Richard_.

 

Yet the more she thought about it, the more significant the lies involving Matt seemed. Happily texting the light-eyebrowed idiot when she was supposed to have been in bed, conveniently being free to meet him instead of her boyfriend. Those were not lies told out of care and love for the man she was dating. They were for her protection, her secrets. Now she knew what the main one was. Their stupid little game and the look they’d shared had confirmed it.

 

She wanted Matthew Robert Smith and she was pretty sure he wanted her just as much.

 

It had been obvious enough from the way he’d looked at her, his eyes dark with intent. “Show me,” he’d whispered and his voice had been rough, clearly carried away by the way she’d been breathing against his neck.

 

It had supposed to have been a joke. Right from the start they’d joked about her being the right level of sexy. She’d thought he might have turned his head and stuck his tongue out at her or even laughed at the suggestive look on her face. Now her own actions had turned around to bite her, causing a venom in her relationship with her boyfriend. They were going to look way too much like a couple in those pictures and it was all her fault.

 

She pressed her phone closer to her ear but heard only the dial tone. Richard had hung up on her and she doesn’t blame him because she still stood in the empty studio, the photographer having left while she was on the phone. She wasn’t sure when he left but the whole time she’d been on the phone she’d been thinking back to the shoot.

 

She didn’t deserve to be called back and part of her hoped that he wouldn’t. It was crazy, surely she’d be hopeful that he’d think she was just busy and had gotten called away by someone. But no, she couldn’t bring herself to care. Her whole body felt numb thinking back to the moment that Matt had locked eyes with her and practically dared her to kiss him.

 

Suddenly she felt someone grab hold of her hand and turn her around to face him. “Coleman, you’ve been in here ages. What’s going on? You’re gonna miss the interview” Matt frowned. The concern in his voice contrasted with the harsh way he pulled at her hand.

 

“Oh that’s perfect,” the photographer piped up as he returned from either a fag or loo break.

 

“One more, come on. Doesn’t matter if they’re already waiting,” he insisted enthusiastically.

 

He hadn’t seemed to notice the worried look on Jenna’s face as Matt moved back in front of the canvas with her.

 

Keeping their hands joined, he stretched out and raised a foot in the air. Jenna kept her foot on the ground but held her arm out and turned her head to give her friend a warm smile. He’d put sunglasses on now and it was impossible to read his face. She could only make the most of an awkward situation. Once the picture was taken, they thanked the photographer and left the room.

 

Matt had managed a loo break and a nervous pace around the interview room before he’d been told to go and find his co-star. Mark Gatiss had even asked if they’d had a falling out and if everything was ok. She’d been so excited earlier that day and now she was ten minutes late for an interview.

 

Matt sat back down in the black sofa and patted the seat beside him, budging up and coughing as he prepared himself for a lot more talking. She seemed to slide neatly into his side and for a moment, her head rested against his chest. It was just as homely as when her arm had moved around his shoulder and it probably should have been alarming, but it wasn’t.

 

Nor was the hand holding that had seemed a bit too Matt and Jenna than Eleven and Clara. Their hands had been sweaty and there had also been the annoyance of his arms bands moving up and down. On any other day he was sure she would have laughed and pointed out how awkward and even girly they were, but in truth he wasn’t sure if she’d be talking to him right now if she didn’t have to.

 

Her head had moved away from his chest, but not before her hand accidently moved up the side of his jeans. The look on her face said that it was an accident. Biting her lip, she shook her head nervously and then leant back on the sofa to distract herself. Matt was glad once the interview started and answered his questions with ease. He was just getting into the swing of things when the fiery brunette began to take the piss out of him, not unlike Karen use to. Part of him wished that the ginge was there with him instead of the wide-eyed new girl.

 

Everything she said was from the perspective of an alien, someone who hadn’t been to a huge convention before. He’d been to Comic Con three times now and on a different scale it reminded him of his Doctor and Clara. She was showing him something old but with a new set of eyes.

 

As the conversation went on, she made a comment that made him both chuckle and blush. “I’m not going to abandon the fans and shave my head!” She sniggered teasingly before he shook his head. He didn’t know how she could slip back into character so easily, just forget that awkward moment between them and act like the friends they’d been before.

 

“Ohhh,” he began to protest, about to playfully hit her on the arm when suddenly he felt her hand in his hair. He didn’t have time to register it before her warm touch had moved to around his shoulders again, hugging him and holding him close for a moment. It was a similar pose to the one she’d made at the photoshoot, only it felt less planned. It had been months since Daisy had dumped him and for a moment he began to ponder how different she was to Jenna, as well as how similar she could be.

 

“I’m joking! I’m joking!” Jenna laughed as she moved away as quickly as she’d begun to touch him.

 

That laugh could be as dirty as Daisy’s had been between teasing kisses. Her mouth could be as dirty and just as if she'd read his mind, his companion licked her lips and his mind goes straight to the gutter. Oh how he’d love to feel those warm lips around his cock and those brown eyes innocently looking up at him. She had to know what she was doing; maybe she didn’t feel as awkward about it as he’d thought.

 

The words on her white loosely-fitted t-shirt were so tempting to abide by; Love me tender.

 

Maybe he’d gotten it all wrong and her smile when she’d answered the phone to Richard had been part of an act. Perhaps she wanted him inside her just as badly as he needed to feel her warmth around his shaft. It wasn’t just her fresh love for Comic Con that was making him listen to her every word, he soon realised. It was just her. Jenna. She was new. Seeing her as attractive and admitting that to himself was a brand new feeling and he wanted to explore it.  

 

Matt fidgeted a bit on the sofa and her instincts start to drive her mad. For the whole interview she was dying to wrap her arms around him and bring him closer to her. There was something forbidden and so damn sexy about touching her ninja-turtle loving man-child of a friend.

 

Thinking about that sentence in her head sounded really dodgy and finally got her to stop thinking about him in that context. It was ridiculous and the sensible part of her wondered why the fuck she didn’t want to phone Richard now that the interview was coming to an end. She couldn’t speak to Matt either though, she needed to be alone.

 

Jumping off of the sofa and heading out of the room, she began to make her way up to her hotel room and out of sight. She could feel his eyes on her and to her horror, the thought of him staring at the back of her skirt turned her on. He might have been able to play along easily but even teasing him about his hair had made her feel sick with guilt. They’d obviously need to talk eventually about what had happened but for now she wanted to stay in denial. They hadn’t even kissed. It was just a stupid look. An affectionate look - lustful, promising.

 

She couldn’t be blamed for forgetting to be sensible. Not really. It was his fault.

 

She blamed the feel of his short hair beneath her fingers as she sat down on her bed.

 

She blamed the feel of his hand in hers as she pushed her restricting skirt down and off of her legs.

 

She blamed that ridiculously breathtaking look he’d given her in the photo shoot as she moved her fingers over the dampness of her knickers.

 

He’d made her unable to think of anything else but his touch, his voice and his smile. It was that damn smug look he’d given her after calling her the right level of sexy, and then on every other occasion they’d flirted since.

 

Moving her hand under her underwear, she imagined what he’d look like between her legs; licking his lips and telling her how he’d been longing to taste her. Closing her eyes, any doubts she’d previously had went out the window and she began to touch herself with only one man on her mind.

  
This was not a little white lie.


	3. Show Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Throughout the day it became harder and harder for Matt to whisk her away for a private conversation. He didn’t know if she was truly mad at him or just frustrated because he’d apparently disturbed her sleep earlier on. Maybe she was just missing Richard and hadn’t had a chance to speak to him. A combination of sexual frustration and the stress of a busy day. She was seeing her stupid bargain hunt-hating co-star more than her handsome boyfriend. In which case, he knew how he could cheer her up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This is mostly from Matt's POV. Please leave me a review with some feedback/squeeing if you'd like more!

Without Jenna by his side, Matt was beginning to feel the strain of answering question after question. He figured she’d gone to rest or possibly to find Richard. Either way, he had to find her so that they could carry on with the interviews like nothing was wrong.

 

Making his way up to her hotel room, he wondered why he was so worried about a damn look between them. It was hardly any different than the suggestive eyebrow she’d raise at him on set as Clara, or the curious gaze his Doctor would give his impossible girl. If it hadn’t been for her reaction when the photographer had taken that last shot, he would have called himself paranoid and presumed she’d been acting. She did after all, have a boyfriend. She’d seemed nervous as hell, and thankful the pose involved them standing so far apart. Her hands had felt sweaty and she seemed desperate to move out of his grasp and run away.

 

During the interview, she’d seemed calmer and even rested her head against his chest for a moment. Maybe she’d forgotten for a second. The awkward tension between them had vanished and they were back to being the old friends that they were. The brief feeling of her hands running through his hair was still solid in his memory and he wished she could run those fingers all over his body.

 

He shook the thought out of his head as he knocked on her door, leaning against the frame as he waited for her to answer. Hoping she’d simply brush past him and they’d head straight to the panel, he was surprised at how long it took her to answer. Maybe she was asleep.

 

Just as he’d turned to leave, Jenna opened the door and brushed her hair out of her face. She simply nodded at him before taking the lead and venturing down the hall to carry on with their busy schedule as if they’d never been apart.

 

“Jen - are you alright?”

 

He strode over and reached for her hand, determined to provoke some kind of reaction from her. They had to figure out what the fuck was going on between them and though he’d come to fetch her for interviews, he’d rather have a private chat with her.

 

“We need to go,” she muttered, playing with the bottom of her shirt.

 

Observing how flushed her face looked and the way she was biting her lip, the actor squeezed her hand in reassurance. “Nothing’s worth the rush. Not when you can barely look at me,” he frowned, concern in his voice as he stepped forward to tower over her.

 

She must have found it too intimidating, shaking her head and letting some of her brown locks slip in front of her eyes. Pulling her hand from his, she headed for the stairs and ran off ahead of him.

 

She’d begun to crumble in front of him, yet was as happy and friendly as always in every other interview that morning. If anything, you’d believe the two of them were getting on better than ever. There had been a couple of times when she’d seemed a little snappy, a bit too eager. But it was easily blamed on the combination of stress and excitement at her first comic con.

 

Throughout the day it became harder and harder for Matt to whisk her away for a private conversation. He didn’t know if she was truly mad at him or just frustrated because he’d apparently disturbed her sleep earlier on. Maybe she was just missing Richard and hadn’t had a chance to speak to him. A combination of sexual frustration and the stress of a busy day. She was seeing her stupid bargain hunt-hating co-star more than her handsome boyfriend. In which case, he knew how he could cheer her up.

 

Having already had the Doctor Who conversation for a cause, Matt knew the Game of Thrones panel was coming up next. Jenna had been chatting to some fans and sneakily signing some autographs. He heard her whisper that she had to be off soon and that she was sorry, before she let out a gasp.

 

Hands covered her eyes and she chuckled, “Smith! Is that you?”

 

Matt grinned and pressed himself up behind her, guiding her with his body as he failed to turn her around by only using his legs and elbows to move her. He was just glad to hear her laugh, even if his plan wasn’t working out too well. He was too clumsy for his own good.

 

“I may have not thought this through very well,” he concluded with an apologetic tone to his voice.

 

“What the hell are you doing... you big chinned loser.”

 

“Oi! Tryin’ do a nice thing for you. Might cheer you up and stop you feeling like shit,” he defended. “Now close your eyes. Don’t look, promise?”

 

The excited smile on her face was so refreshing and he felt so thankful that he could kiss her. Instead, he focused on leading her to the panel and listening in for the right moment. It was getting near the end of the interview and he couldn’t see any harm in them dropping in - especially if it would cheer J-lo up.

 

“This better be good, Smith,” Jenna insisted playfully, just before she heard Richard’s voice.

 

The brunette turned away from Matt and then poked her head in to watch the panel.

 

Matt was behind her and passed her a microphone after briefly consulting with the backstage crew. “Damn it, I said not to look,” he told her, but got no response as they both walked onto the stage to greet her boyfriend, whom she eagerly embraced.

 

Observing her and Richard, it was as if they’d been spending the whole convention together in each other’s arms. They were asked about working and even living together, which Matt commented on like the good friend to them that he was. Their place really was so tidy, or maybe it just seemed to be compared to his flat in Cardiff.

 

Having taken the seat as far from Jenna as possible, at least Matt wasn’t too distracted by her beauty to answer the couple of questions that came his way. Yet the longer he sat there, deep in thought, the more he regretted throwing them together again.

 

Surely it was only going to make the later talk with Jenna more awkward and complicated. He had hoped that even if he did fancy her (and who wouldn’t?), they’d both be able to forget this sorry mess. After all, Karen had once developed a crush on him that had, far as he knew, faded away after a few months.

 

Jenna noticed the way Matt fidgeted more than usual throughout the interview. Crashing Richard’s panel had been his idea, but it seemed as if it was the last place that he wanted to be. It had been for her sake, in the hope that it would cheer her up. He’d knocked on her door while her hand had been inside her underwear and maybe she’d overreacted. It seemed ridiculous to be mad at him over something so stupid, making her more frustrated over him in more ways than one.

 

Literally thrusting her into Richard had been a wise move if he’d suspected what she’d been doing in her hotel room. There was no reason that he’d know, but still the thought ate away at her. Maybe this was a sign that he wasn't interested in her.

 

But that damn look he’d given her was still in the back of her head and it gave her hope.

 

It was hope that didn’t make sense. She had a boyfriend that she was suppose to be in love with.

 

Her head was beginning to hurt again thinking about it and if it had been up to her then she would have gone for another lie down. An actual lie down, that didn’t involve imagining Matt’s body on top of her, hips thrusting down in pure animalistic lust. She and Richard hadn’t had that kind of sex in a long time and maybe she just craved something new, exciting.

 

Suddenly she realised she was being pulled into an empty green room. Incredibly, there wasn’t a soul inside apart from herself and Matthew Robert Smith.

 

“Matt, what’s wrong?”

 

The inevitable talk was about to happen and she wasn't at all ready for it. He could have at least waited until the evening and come to her room.

 

Then she took in his tired appearance, slight stubble, and the way he was itching his cheek.

 

“Oh come on Smith, be a man. You’re acting like we’re kids at school too shy to ask each other to the dance,” Jenna protested.

 

She’d been aiming for a teasing tone but somehow the sentence came out more harsh than anything, and each word seemed to punch at the man’s heart.

 

“I was just gonna say it’s all fine, you and Rich seem to be doing well,” he replied humbly as he looked down at the floor to avoid her gaze.

 

God help her, he looked so damn upset. His confidence seemed to have disappeared and she was surprised he’d even had the strength to drag her into the room. Walking over to stand right opposite him, she could see a glint of something in his hazel eyes. There was something about the way he’d said her lover’s name, as if he was maybe... jealous. He looked defeated, as if he didn't know why he’d bothered to try and speak to her.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to - look, thanks for crashing the panel with me. It was kinda a lovely thing to do,” she began with a weak smile, trying to change that miserable look on his face.

 

Emotions were running high and she knew if they didn’t conclude this conversation soon then someone was going to get hurt.

 

He was acting so unlike the Matt she knew and she wanted to get him back; her cheeky, smiley, and friendly Smith. It had only been a few hours since that photo shoot and the phone call that had interrupted them. They hadn’t even been doing anything, not physically. Yet there had to be a reason that she kept thinking back to it, wishing that maybe she'd taken him up on his offer.

 

“I wanna return the favour, try and cheer you up. Come on, where’s the gangsta Matt I know and love?”

 

The words slipped out of her mouth without much control and before she had the chance to think about them, Matt’s hands were on her waist.

 

They were reliving that moment from earlier that day, staring at each other with intriguing desire and lust. His eyes flicked over her face, moving between her eyes and her lips. Unlike before, when time had seemed to stand still, the next few moments were a blur.

 

She’d attempted to utter the words ‘show me’ to mirror his earlier dare but all she managed was a throaty moan as his lips finally brushed against hers and his hands wandered under her top.

 

Her fingers moved through his short hair as she moved her arms up around his neck. He’d ducked his head down a little, gently deepening the kiss as she opened her mouth under his.

 

“Jen,” he whispered, hands moving up to cup her breasts through her bra as he continued his chaste kisses. He seemed like a starving man, wanting to touch every bit of her at once.

 

Jenna felt overwhelmed and moaned in pleasure as he pinched her nipple through the fabric. He knew exactly what to do, as if he’d already mapped out her body with his eyes and planned exactly where she needed his attention. Dark eyes matched hers as he bent down to pick her up, allowing her to wrap her legs around his waist and thrust against him. She could feel his cock hardening through his jeans and giggled.

 

“What’s funny, Coleman?” he asked, panting slightly as he moved his arms around her to steady her.

 

“You’re not wearing any pants, are you?” she snorted.

 

He answered with a knowing smirk, thrusting his hips.

 

“Show me,” she replied, getting to use those challenging words after all.

 

He leant in for another kiss, one hand moving down to the top of his jeans to begin to undo them. It was so different than how she’d imagined. Instead of rough and demanding, his kisses were soft and explorative. Of course, that could be a different story once they reached the bedroom...

 

It was that thought that snapped her out of things and made her move out of his arms, ashamed at the thought of what she’d done. It didn’t matter that he’d been the one to make the move; she’d responded because she wanted to kiss him, to touch him and share a bed with him. She’d been talking to Richard only minutes before and now there she was, snogging and basically dry humping her co-star in the green room. Someone could have walked in at any moment and the thought of that made her feel even more guilty.

 

Back down on her feet, she stared at Matt, wordless, and didn’t hear what she presumed were protests as she bit her lip and headed for the door.


	4. Without You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She hated the part of herself that absolutely loved what had happened in San Diego. Those lustful and cheap feelings that she got about how much she still wanted to kiss Matt and let him touch her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou guys, sorry about the long wait!

Engrossed in the script for his regeneration episode, Matt lent over the table and almost slipped off of his chair. It was a flimsy plastic thing that could have have easily sent him flying away from the table and onto the ground. The dialogue he was reading was distracting enough but now he could feel the paparazzi filming his every move. He’d been wanting to scratch his nose and being the paranoid idiot that he was, wouldn’t even dare move his hand while they were watching him. Compared to the states, the press back home seemed much more forgiving. It was getting harder and harder to envision himself living in New york without being constantly hounded by reporters.

 

He was looking forward to being home with his family and having a couple of weeks off. Everything had been so time consuming recently and he hadn’t even had a chance to talk to Jenna. He wasn’t sure if that had been a blessing or not. It wasn’t like he’d had the chance to miss her.

 

Their days at Comic Con had been hectic and what followed had made him unsure if she’d even want to talk to him for a while. At least he knew where he stood with his family and his sister could find a way to entertain him.

 

Making his way across the street, his thoughts were hazy and he felt tired. He was surprised he’d even remembered to tuck his script into his bag before he’d left the cafe.

 

Moffat would be proud.

 

Suddenly his phone was going off and the aggressive sound of Smack My Bitch Up blurted out. Grabbing it from his pocket and seeing Jenna’s name on the screen, he immediately answered. His tongue clicked against the roof of his mouth and he was lost for words.

 

He could apologize, say it had all been a mistake and that they should just forget about it. It would be all too easy to fob it off from the high of the convention. It was like they’d been to another country where everything was different and what happened during their stay wouldn’t be spoken of ever again. A holiday romance gone dreadfully wrong on the account that her boyfriend had been there most of the time and worse still, he’d encouraged him.

 

Having felt stupidly guilty before he’d even done anything, now he felt like he’d committed a serious crime. He could still imagine the feel of her body pressed against his, see that mischievous glint in her eye that told him to take her right there against the wall of the green room.

 

The memory made him let out a low grunt into the phone and it was only then that he realised she hadn’t said anything. Nothing he’d heard, anyway. He’d been too busy reliving the moment they’d given in to that kiss and his hands had cupped her breasts through her t-shirt.

 

Maybe she was as lost in her own thoughts as he was, or maybe she just didn’t want to speak to him and hated his guts. Either way, there was silence on the other end of the phone.

 

“Jen, look I know you’re there - I -” he mumbled, now standing on the corner of a busy street and still feeling camera lens zooming in on him.

 

Looking down at himself he realised his other hand had made it’s way inside his jeans. He seemed to have a problem with unconsciously touching himself in public, he wondered what Freud would say about that. Ohh, that line about the comfy sofa. He could really do with a lay down. Particularly with a petite brunette with luscious legs just resting on-

 

The line went dead.

 

\-------------------

 

Jenna rolled over in bed and pressed her headphones back into her ears, trying to block out anything to do with Matt or Richard. That shouldn’t have even been the order that she thought of them in.

 

She hated the part of herself that absolutely loved what had happened in San Diego. Those lustful and cheap feelings that she got about how much she still wanted to kiss Matt and let him touch her.

 

They were blocked out by texts from Richard and reassurances that he loved her and couldn’t wait to have dinner with her again. They could go back to their flat and bake a cake together, blast some music out and even ask Matt over for a drink.

 

Maybe not that last bit.

 

She didn’t need him around her anyway.

 

She was a great girlfriend and one silly mistake wasn’t about to change that.

 

\------------------------

 

After a brief reunion with her boyfriend, Jenna had began to film Death Comes to Pemberley. She thoroughly enjoyed playing a completely different character to Clara, although the period clothing allowed her to reminisce about some things that were better off left alone.

 

Like filming that stupid scene where she’d had to fall on top of him, arse in the air and looking ridiculous while she’d stared at him with wide-eyed wonder.

 

She’d learnt that Matthew Smith is a man who can be frighteningly attractive even when he’s making the most hideous of faces. She didn’t understand it at all but she was jealous. She knew all too well about the pressures of looking good for the cameras at award shows and during interviews.

 

They’d kind of adopted each other since that episode, the real thing after the Dalek dress rehearsal. Although she did remember how fond he’d been of her little red dress - enough to mention it in that thank you to the fans.

 

They really had been through so much together in such a short space of time.

 

That first kiss in the Snowmen meant a hell of alot more now that she looked back at it. San Diego hadn’t been the Eleventh and Clara. It had been all them and she hadn’t wanted it to stop.

 

But it was.

 

He was leaving.

 

One day she excused herself when she found herself crying in make up.

 

A quick phone call to Richard and she was back on track and ready to face the crew. Throwing herself into character, nothing else mattered apart from going home to Richard and letting him make everything better.

 

\-----------------

 

The phone call was out of the blue, just a week or two before he’d be seeing her anyway. Only it wasn’t Jenna’s voice he heard when he eventually answered his mobile.

 

“Matt, mate. How you doin’, it’s Rich. Rich Ma-”

 

Matt managed to stutter some words out; heart in his chest and a hand in his hair, “Yeah, oh-. Hey Rich. How’s Col-Jen”

 

“Col-Jen?” the other man chuckled.

 

Matt was just relieved that the conversation was light-hearted. He’d never been cheated on himself but he was pretty sure he wouldn’t have greeted the accused so charmingly. At least not as genuinely as the Scotsman had done on this occasion…  

 

“Yeah well Coleman, Jenna. Too many names for her I guess.” he replied innocently.

 

“Right, well I was just wonderin’ if you fancied making a night of it. Didn’t actually get to see you much at Comic Con - apart from that little get together you organized. Thanks for that.”

 

Matt was nodding and humming in agreement as he paced up and down the hallway of his Cardiff flat. He was 50/50 about if he regretted throwing the two of them back together. The fact he still hadn’t heard from Jenna since that busy day made him lean towards declining whatever Richard had in mind. Maybe if he saw Jenna on set they’d be able to simple act like the Doctor and Clara - go on as normal and get visions of that tiny skirt out of his brain. Maybe the costume department would be kind to him.

 

“No problem. She just seemed down and knew you’d cheer her up”

 

“You know she’s not been good the past few weeks. Reckon you could work your magic again?” Richard all but pleaded into the phone, although he still sounded like he'd smiled so much that his jaw ached.

 

“Sorry to hear that, filming for her drama not go well? Maybe she’s just nervous about a new show. Like at the beginning of who when she-” he began to ramble.

 

He’d already made up his mind about his but the thought of her still upset over him broke his heart.

 

“Matt come on, she needs this” came the reply before Matt heard his co-star’s voice vaguely in the background. Apparently dinner was ready. A romantic real perhaps. Jenna and her boyfriend being nice and cozy. Now the man was asking him to come over for what sounded like a booze up. He really had no idea what he was letting himself in for.

 

Maybe he could just stay for a drink or two and then leave. He could pick something up to eat for himself on the way there and then go and kip in the bedroom after a couple of beers.

 

“Alright. Two drinks. I’ll be there within the hour” he muttered defeatedly into the phone, knowing full well it was unlikely anything good would come of that evening.

 

\--------------------

Richard sat down at the dinner table and grinned at his girlfriend, “Oh it looks delicious babe”

 

She gave him a weak smile, glancing at the phone he’d placed down by the table, “Who was on the phone? You sounded happy”

 

“No one just sales, I was being sarcastic with them” he shrugged.

 

Jenna narrowed her eyes at him but decided not to question it.

 

Maybe it was an ex girlfriend. In fact part of her hoped it was. It would make her feel a lot less guilty to know that he’d kissed someone else as well. She was losing her appetite, staring at the food like she wanted to throw it away.

 

Tears were forming in her eyes as she wondered how everything had come to this.

  
Richard’s arms were around her before any words left her lips and she held onto him for dear life.


	5. Penny for your Thoughts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One question had turned into a few, which had then turned into a full-on catch up. He’d let her share his beer, before something in her body language changed and she’d sat next to him on the sofa with a drink for herself. Having gotten lost in the conversation, they both seemed to have forgotten where they were and what the plan had been originally. Jenna going to bed, Richard coming back and having a drink with Matt. Those situations were just ideas now.

Matt reached the flat within the hour and waited outside, sending Richard a text to let him know that he was there. He didn’t want to startle Jenna and come to think of it, he didn’t even know if she’d know about the visit. Maybe it was an ill-fated attempt from Richard to quickly cheer his girlfriend up.

 

A few minutes passed and he didn't get a reply, so he pressed the doorbell and took a step back. This could spell disaster for all three of them but at this stage, Matt just really wanted to see one of his closest friends.

 

He could see that some of the lights were on upstairs and wondered if maybe he’d simply been forgotten. Maybe they’d cheered each other up and had some drinks of their own and climbed into bed. Not that they’d need the drink, if they’d gone back to being adorably-coupley. Maybe they had their friendship with him to thank for that. What a good friend he was for literally pushing them together on those sofa seats at Comic Con. So much so that his Coleman had probably forgotten all about the snog with her co-star in the green room.

 

He was about to imagine what her current sex life was like, when a pair of fingers snapped in front of his face.

 

“Smith, anybody home? What the hell are you doing here?” Jenna questioned, eyes wide as she pulled her dressing gown tighter around her waist. It was twice the size of her and therefore almost definitely belonged to Richard. Maybe he really had interrupted something.

 

“Yeah, yeah J-lo uh…Rich invited me for drinks?” he replied, stuttering the words out as his eyes wandered slightly over her figure. Disappointingly, there was no flesh on sight; it was all covered by the massive blue gown.

 

He wondered if she was naked underneath it - one pull at the flimsy tie around it and he’d be able to find out. Thank fuck it was long or Matt’s green eyes would already be wandering over her skin and wishing that he’d had a chance to feel his naked skin against hers. Bearing in mind her state of undress, It looked like all of the shagging/cuddling/comforting had already taken place. This was a train wreck and he already wanted to head home but then her hand slipped into his and led him into the living room.

 

“He’s gone out, you’ll have to wait a bit” Jenna informed the short haired man, barely glancing at him as she walked straight through to the kitchen. “i’m going up to bed actually. I’ll give you a Beer and Rich should be back soon-” she began to ramble, busying herself and letting her hair fall down inside the top of her boyfriend’s dressing gown. It was hard to distract herself when the house was so tidy so she just began to pace back and forth, hoping Matt wouldn’t follow her and she’d get a moment of privacy.

 

It had been weeks since she’d last seen him and the plan had been to avoid him until they were thrown back together on set. Staying close to Richard wasn’t exactly going to plan but they were getting by. He was too much of a nice guy to pressure her and hadn’t asked her more than twice what was wrong. She didn’t deserve him and now her head was pounding as she wondered why the hell he’d asked Matt round. It was hard to imagine things from his point of view.

 

If he was her boyfriend and he couldn’t see what was wrong then why would her friend she’d known barely a year know what was going on.

 

She came back into the living room and handed him a beer.

 

Standing in the doorway, she was about to head upstairs when he ran a hand over his head. He obviously missed that stupid damn quiff, yet she had to admit that the mature look made him more attractive to her right now. He looked like he could take care of her both emotionally and physically.

 

“Did you cut your hair again?” she asked.

 

It was a good ice breaker, which had to take a backseat for a moment.

 

Matt’s phone vibrated and he read out Richard’s eventual reply, “Caught in traffic. Start without me.”

 

He put his phone back in his jean pocket, patted himself on the head and gave her a smile he hoped she wouldn’t refuse, “Well then, do you like it?”

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

One question had turned into a few, which had then turned into a full-on catch up. He’d let her share his beer, before something in her body language changed and she’d sat next to him on the sofa with a drink for herself. Having gotten lost in the conversation, they both seemed to have forgotten where they were and what the plan had been originally. Jenna going to bed, Richard coming back and having a drink with Matt. Those situations were just ideas now.

 

A few more drinks and Jenna was telling him all about the project she’d filmed the month before, reminiscing about the historical outfits and quaint village sets. They were both a little more than tipsy by this point and started to laugh at each other for no apparent reason.

 

Sipping at a glass of wine, she was sitting close to Matt but bent forward still, “None of your outfits have been as awkward”

 

“My outfits are cool” he coined immediately, a big grin on his face as he poked her on the nose.

 

He could hear her laughing but his attention was steadily moving down to her chest, as her dressing gown began to open at the bust. At some point she’d lost her tie for it. Probably on her third or fourth journey to the kitchen for more wine. Licking his lips, Matt hoped he hadn’t given himself away and met with her eyes again.

 

She had her serious face on and it was scary how quickly she could change from smiling to frowning at him. It was like she couldn’t make up her mind how she was supposed to act around him. He wished they could just get back to joking and fooling around like they use to. Comic Con had been a double-edged sword.

 

Jenna watched as he lent over to pick up her mostly empty wine bottle of the floor, unbeknowingly giving her a fantastic view of bright pink Calvin Klein's. “I was trying to talk to you, muppet. What are you doing?” she giggled. She couldn’t help herself. It wasn’t the first time that she’d spotted his underwear poking out of his jeans and she secretly hoped that it wouldn’t be the last.

 

“Really? cause you didn’t say anything. Come on though Miss Coleman, tell me what you’re thinking?”

 

She was biting her tongue in her mouth to keep her from blurting out something about how good his arse looked in those jeans. He really couldn’t have picked a more awkward time to ask her that exact question.

 

He positioned the bottle in front of her mouth as if it was a microphone and gave her a teasing look that asked her to play along, “Come on”.

 

She remembered interviewing each other like this for the fans. Last Christmas, when everything had been so different. Matt had held a bottle up to her and wore that stupid hat from the set and the same smirk that was on his face that was there now.

 

Truthfully she still felt a bit tired from the nap before her friend had arrived. After dinner, Richard had let her curl up on the sofa and planted a kiss on her forehead before he’d gone out. He hadn’t said where he was headed but she hadn’t asked, simply accepting his dressing gown and using it to dry the rest of her tears.

 

Laying with Matt and slowly moving closer to each other, the situation was intoxicating. Her mind was clouded with drunk giraffe and alcohol.  

 

“Moment’s past Smith, I don’t remember what I was thinking” she shrugged eventually, shaking her head at the bottle thoughtfully.

 

It was getting harder and harder to think straight and his stupid face wasn’t helping. She’d noticed something and she knew exactly what she wanted to say. For some reason the words just wouldn’t come out.

 

“Something about my pants was it?” Matt suggested through gritted teeth.

 

He had no idea how it had come out but he was prone to saying the wrong thing at the worst times. Him and Alex Kingston, they were terrible. God forbid if Jenna ever joked about his cock in public and even conventions. He wasn’t sure Richard could laugh it off. But then again as far as he was concerned they weren’t each other’s types at all. Jenna was hopelessly in love with her boyfriend.

 

Jenna eyed the bottle in front of her and then smiled slyly at her friend. She slowly wrapped her lips around the rim. The logical link was that he’d just mentioned his cock, but she didn’t give herself enough credit for that. Part of her just wanted him to laugh and fob it off. The other part wanted to pull those jeans down and suck his cock until he came. Being in his presence just confused her so much and it was a relief to hear the stutter of outcries that came from him after her little demonstration .

 

“Jen - Wha - St - Ohhh”  

 

It wasn’t like the idea wasn’t already in his mind but she’d just brought it to life. Apparently, she’d been so dumb-stuck over what to say that she’d decided to use her mouth in another way. Matt’s jaw had dropped and he was fidgeting around on the sofa with no idea what to do. Surely she’d wanted a specific reaction from him - to turn him on? In which case, it was certainly going to work.

 

He was so close to her that he merely had to rub against her for his increasing hard-on to become obvious.

 

One moment her eyes were closed as she sucked at the bottle, the next she was handing it over to him with the dirtiest grin he’d ever seen. 

“Penny for your thoughts, Matt?”

 

“Coleman!” he pouted, trying desperately to keep the right tone of voice.

 

It was normal to make sexual jokes and muck about but with what with what had happened between them recently, they were getting closer to crossing the line again. He was analysing everything that she said, wondering if she really did want to touch him, make him come like he would have let her before. He was half-hard and drunk. She was giving him the same big daring eyes she had in America.

 

“I was wondering if you knew, your dressing gown’s undone…” he blurted out eventually, his eyes settling on the cleavage on display from her moving around. “They can’t really do the job unless you have one of those tie things. Did you have one before? If you have to hold it then well - something will distract you and -” he finished, not being able to contain his laughter. At least there was a reason for in this instance and it wasn’t just a random outburst.

 

At the height of his laughter, he managed to spill the rest of the wine from the bottle over her dressing gown. In her frantic haste to cover herself up, some of the alcohol had made it’s way through the gap and onto her breasts. “My tits! That was it. Earlier you were….staring. I noticed and then I forgot and look what you’ve gone now, I hate you!” she pouted, wrapping the gown around herself like a blanket and trying to dry herself. It wasn’t very much and the fact that they were both drunk and sitting so close meant that they were bound to have an accident sooner or later.

 

“No you don’t come on, let me help” Matt protested, tutting and shaking his head as he ran his hands over the damp of her dressing gown. He was trying to stay calm and not react to her hilarious outburst. It was so damn adorable and he wished she could have seen the way she’d thrown her hands up and yelled about her tits.

 

“What a waste” she muttered and for a moment he considered getting some tissues and handling this properly. He needed some payback after the bottle though and this was the perfect opportunity. If she was going to get him hard over a vision of her giving him a blowjob, maybe he should use his mouth to do the same for her.

 

Watching her carefully to make sure she was willing, he cleared the way to her breasts and lent his head forward. A quick lick at a few drops beside her left breast and he heard her gasp out his name. That was all he needed for encouragement before he ran his tongue up the path between her breasts.

 

“Oh fuck, what are you-” she began but lost her trail of thought as her hand moved into his hair. Her nipples were hard and and she arched to be touched, to feel his mouth on her. Not just there but on the whole of her body. She wanted his mouth between her legs and the thought made her pull on Matt’s hair and pushed his lips towards her nipple.

 

She shrugged the gown off of her shoulders and was now completely naked before him, her mind on nothing else but the way he was making her feel.

 

“Matt, I want you” she moaned as he licked and sucked at her skin.

 

Thinking back to the first time in that hotel, she remembered how she’d touched herself thinking of his tongue, his cock inside her. The reality of what they were doing hit her and she felt a flush of arousal flow through her body. Grabbing his hand, she moved it down to the wetness between her legs. His eyes were dark with lust and it made her pussy begin to throb with desire.

 

He licked his lips for the millionth time that night. It was a stupidly sexy habit, similar to that damn hair stroking of the past. Both of those were almost as frustrating as his tongue, licking lightly at her thighs. It was indescribable and she was looking down at him in awe but the sound of the front door slamming brought her back to Earth.  

  
As quickly as his mouth had moved over her chest, it was gone and she was pushing him away to throw her gown back on and sit up straight. “Ma-Richard? Richard?” she called breathlessly, standing up and matching out to the hallway. She prayed to God he hadn’t seen or heard anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait and I hope you're all not freaking out to much like the beta readers did :P. Also known as "My Tits!"


	6. Courage.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her first instinct was to grab hold of his hand, give him some comfort. She could have even suggested that they left the room, embraced him with the huge hug that she longed to give him; talked to him truthfully about how she felt and apologize for ruining everything between them.

Jenna had fled as soon as her boyfriend had entered the room. A blur of blue cotton ran up the stairs, followed by the loud bang of a door closing. Distressed by this, Richard had suggested to have drinks another time.

 

“What did you say to her?” he demanded, frustrated by the helpless look on Matt’s face and the questionable embrace the two of them seemed to have been in. Picking up the empty wine bottles from the sofa and table, he half-listened as Matt muttered something about drinking and laughing. Nothing registered as to why she had up and left the room so suddenly. His honest, beautiful girlfriend Jenna had seemed so vulnerable and worried at dinner. Now she didn’t want to speak to him and he seemed to be staring at the very man that had caused that.

 

Looking back at the drunk actor on his sofa, Richard contemplated what to say to him. It was likely the guy wouldn’t even remember in the morning anyway. They were suppose to be close friends and tonight had been a golden opportunity to catch up. He supposed he’d have to find out if Jenna really was upset with him, Matt, or anyone for that matter. He felt like he knew less and less about what the hell was going on in his relationship, as each day went on.

 

Gritting his teeth he asked, “Do you want to spend the night? Can’t let you go home in this state.”

 

He apologized for his late arrival but made no attempt to explain where he’d been. It had seemed a bit odd but given Jenna’s behavior, Matt figured the guy was just worried and really wanted to sort him out quickly so he could go and speak to her. Even so, they weren’t strangers. Drunk or not, the Scotsman would normally let him just let him sleep on the sofa and not bat an eyelid. Instead he was watching him with unkind eyes.

 

Something was wrong, very wrong.

 

“Ye-yeah Rich, thanks” he muttered more to himself than Richard as he staggered off of the sofa.

\----------------

Matt rested his head down on the unfamiliar pink pillow in the spare room and closed his eyes. His throat felt dry but he dared not leave the room for a glass of water. The best thing to do was just sleep and hope that the hangover of the morning wouldn’t last as long as it usually persisted to. If he could only relax and take Jenna off of his mind, he wouldn't be picturing her with her budding boyfriend in the next room.

 

He could hear muffled whispers and he wasn’t sure if it was the drink or the volume of their voices that was making the words unclear.

 

He left early the next morning without leaving a note or any form of a goodbye.

 

\---------------

The Doctor and Clara; Matt and Jenna. They seemed to blend into one in the lead up to the end of Matt’s reign as the Doctor. The closer they got to the end, the less they said to each other. Matt practiced his lines alone because his co-star never offered to run through them with him.

 

He was somewhat grateful for the time alone at first, happy to avoid the awkwardness that would arise if they said more than a few words to each other. Then he remembered how alone he’d been only a few months before, alone in a hotel room in Detroit. He’d joked about it on talk shows and even admitted he’d enjoyed watching some porn. The truth was he wasn’t a loner, not really. He loved being around the people he loved and having a good time. The thought of not having anyone to speak to during his last days on the show made him extremely anxious. Not even the odd text from Karen made him feel better.

 

He didn’t know what to say to Jenna, so he made jokes about Clara being perfect for the Doctor and his silly, impossible girl. It was fine as long as it was make believe. He was talking about Doctor Who Land; the magical place he was leaving behind him.

\------------------

It was time for the last read through and as he sat down at the table, he gave the brunette the most gentle, trusting smile that he could. He was muttering to himself towards the end of the reading, giving up on projecting his voice and speaking the words clearly. Steven had outdone himself with the final scene. The dialogue was too beautiful and true to life for him to look at Jenna while he said it. it was all too much. He took a sip of water from the bottle in front of him to calm his nerves - but it was no use. He was about to humiliate himself in front of everyone.

 

His eyes felt as if they were burning through the paper of the script and then he realised that he was crying. Tears were beginning to form in his eyes and it was only when he began to rub his hands over them that he realized how tired, sore and blood-shot they were.

 

Jenna had been easily distracted by the sound of her co-star’s voice. Her thoughts were far away from the studio - full of regret and sadness. She remembered sitting on the sofa with him, laughing a drunk laugh about her tits and the look on his face when her gown had come undone. His hair, the way his body had begun to move against hers...it all took her back to that first kiss at Comic Con.

 

Glancing at him quickly, she saw how hard he was concentrating on the script. It made her feel bad for letting her thoughts wander but at least she didn’t have to feel guilty about Richard anymore.

 

She briefly considered gathering up the courage to tell Matt that she was single again. The fear of rejection was strong though and she didn’t have the first clue about how she’d begin that conversation.

 

_Hey Smith, remember that time you watched me give a bottle a blowjob?_

 

_We haven't spoken in months, but that didn’t stop the Doctor and Clara, right?_

 

_I know you’re angry with me but I don’t mind that much, you know I really did fancy Mr Clever…_

 

_Richard’s Gone._

 

it was much easier to distract herself with shallow, inappropriate thoughts as she stared back down at her script.

 

His hair was taking forever to grow back and Jenna thought about how much more attractive Matt had looked when he’d that stupid quiff. No wonder Steven had written the wig into the episode. It was a hopeless replacement of that big mop of hair she’d missed for months now. She almost laughed to herself as she thought back to their kiss at Comic Con and how the one thing missing (compared to her fantasies) had been the feel of those brown locks between her fingers. The stubble probably made up for it though.

 

Snapping back to reality, the young actress listened as Matt’s voice suddenly turned higher in pitch. The words felt snappy and sharp, like he was suddenly in American Psycho mood and she was his next victim. Jenna turned to lock eyes with him in time to hear him tearfully whisper, “The Doctor was me…”

 

Her first instinct was to grab hold of his hand, give him some comfort. She could have even suggested that they left the room, embraced him with the huge hug that she longed to give him; talked to him truthfully about how she felt and apologize for ruining everything between them. She didn’t even care whose fault it was anything. His friendship was all that mattered and she needed it back.

 

Instead, she kept her hands in her lap and watched with a weak smile as Steven came over to check his star was alright. It broke her heart how he never even glanced at her beyond that one look they’d shared.

 

Once everyone was getting up to leave, Jenna found herself running towards the exit. Matt was making his way out of the room, still holding on tightly to that damn massive water bottle. She had to tell him about her breakup with Richard. It would change everything; for better or for worse. She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to summon the courage again if she didn’t try right at that moment.

 

“Richard,” she gasped, taking hold of his hand and freezing as her mind went blank. _Damn it Jenna_ , she thought to herself.

 

He looked more hurt than anything, clearly confused by the fact she’d just called him by her boyfriend’s name.

 

“I-I uh” she stammered, trying desperately to focus as she squeezed his hand. “I’m single.” she managed to blurt out before letting go and hurrying out of the room.

 

She’d just managed to make things ten times worse by talking to her friend for five seconds. Maybe that was the price of being in love with someone.


End file.
